Updated: Apr 19
Approximately a year ago I was diagnosed with severe depression and severe anxiety. I didn't know how good I was at acting until I had to pretend everyday that I was okay. And the truth is I was far from okay.
I've been living with depression for about two years now and the last few months I feel like I've overcome it, I'm the happiest I have ever been.
But living with depression is scary, I can't really put into words how it makes you feel. You feel sick to your stomach everyday, because of yourself and every bad day you have, you have a lingering question in your head "why am I still alive".
Depression is a disease of the mind, it makes you feel disgusted in yourself, every single part of you, you can't eat, you can't sleep, you have no energy for anything, you get extreme anxiety attacks and you take it out on the people closest to you. You can't talk about it, and you can't say the dreaded D word. When I was suffering from depression the hardest thing for me was saying "I have depression".
It wasn't until I hit my lowest that I decided I had to go to the doctors, I already knew I was depressed because I had this dark cloud over me for the previous 12 or so months. I remembering sitting with the doctor and breaking down, I could barely speak. She asked me a few questions, questions I was 100% expecting and she decided to send me for blood tests. My blood tests came back completely normal, it was like a switch in my brain was switched off, I had no hormonal imbalance, my thyroid was fine, nothing physically was wrong and so I was diagnosed with severe depression and severe anxiety.
I didn't take anything for my depression as the doctor was against it and I'm so glad she was as I've read stories where anti-depressants make you feel numb if they don't suit you. I was told to consider counselling, meditation and moving jobs.
I couldn't afford counselling and so I downloaded Headspace and ever since that day I have meditated for at least 10 minutes a day. I eventually moved jobs and I finally got my life back but it took me a full year to have the courage to move. And for my mental health it was one of the best decisions I made.
Depression is one of those things where people avoid talking about in fear they will be seen as weak, but I think I am stronger than ever because I have beaten it. People living with depression are some of the strongest people, they go through everyday feeling horrible things about themselves but still find the strength to get up and fight depression.
I have fought depression and I am so proud of myself to have gotten through it. If you have depression please don't suffer in silence, there is someone out there who loves and cares for you and will be there to help you if you just ask.
Be strong, you will get through this.